You hear it all too often: "he's a pain in the butt" or "she's just a ...." What you are actually hearing is distraction. And distraction costs you and your company a heap. Lets label it as "not turning up" but there are far reaching consequences. Lost time, lost focus, exhaustion, frustration, anger, disillusionment, absenteeism, unfulfilled, stressed, presenteeism and bad decisions. So, it's a big issue with a huge cost and yet the subject is small.
What is the difference between the way people behave and the way we want them to behave?
If you can answer this, you're well on your way to the "Conscious" approach to productivity, engagement and workplace satisfaction. The question is important and the solutions provided by Myer-Briggs and other profiling philosophies, rubbish ideas that I refer to as "low hanging fruit for more judgement at work" don't deal with it.
When we're in reaction we are saying that there are healthy and there are unhealthy responses. And the healthy ones get us where we need to be, or satisfy our motives, and the unhealthy ones are totally unsatisfying. For example: in a recent meeting a person talked about themselves too much in front of a client, they blew the whole deal that was right on the edge of going forward. My client explained the saboteur's behaviour as ridiculous but not only that, they were in a complete rage with the saboteur.
This was still happening a week after the event. How much of that rage had leaked out into existing clients, family, friends, the saboteur, and the judge themselves? This is the cost we need to be concerned about... the hidden cost of carrying reaction.
Yes, stuff is going to happen that pisses you off. Yes, people are going to conflict with your objectives. Yes, some people are frustratingly unskilled in certain circumstances. And yes, if you don't do anything about it, they will sabotage your efforts. So, here's a junk list of what nature is telling you to do when something like this gets under your finger nails....
1. In the new age of equality we are often silenced to speak out in public against someone's behaviour because it is politically incorrect or because we are afraid to assert the idea that there is always a hierarchy in every order. So, the root cause of many conflicts and frustrations is that there is not a clear "whose the boss" and "your opinion matters only until I make a decision" - we are driven by fear of upsetting people - and therefore, when the saboteur speaks we are afraid of their reaction, or how people would perceive us. In nature and in human nature there is no fear of this "false hierarchy" based on "likability." Maybe consider being clear on the human pecking order in your teams will be a good healthy start.
2. Don't be so separate. We often create identity which is based on being bulletproof or good and I've met many people who "have the feeling" that they are right and others are wrong. This separateness does not exist in nature. It is the foundational "flaw" in the existence of free will, a "flaw" that has a very unique and special purpose: it takes us to our ignorance. Wherever we think "he does that and I don't like it" or "she does that and it's crazy" we are actually speaking into a mirror. Every human has every trait. Consider saying "she does that crazy and I don't like it in me, so I don't like it in her." This means, that instead of being angry about things people do, we can learn to love ourselves more from what people do. This is called a learning mind. The opposite is a fixed mind. We're either one or the other.
3. Look for the balance. As much as the saboteur caused the project to not proceed, and your plans were for it to do so, there is going to be a benefit to it not going ahead. There is, as it were, a greater hand at play. Look for the other side, which in this case could be "I'm glad this person stopped the project based on their reaction to my colleague because it saved us the nightmare of getting the project and then dealing with this sort of arrogance once we were committed and invested in getting paid.
So, ultimately, Walker's Law ... the Law of Lesser Pissers... "You can please others and piss yourself off or please yourself and piss others off, but you can't do both."
Chris Walker - Author
Carrying a pack, discovering new trails, exploring the human spirit, dreaming with immensity, and gaining far away horizons: escaping the destiny of the sedentary, loving above all the supreme liberty of the human spirit at one withnature. This is Chris Walker’s life! Like the trails he explores with a pack on his back high in the mountains,unravelling the mysteries of harmony and focus at work or in relationship creates something special for any individual who decides to explore the wondersof it. A uniqueness, a resilience to the instability of conventional attitudes, a realfreedom that only the human heart can fully understand. Chris is a free spirit, a nomad. He follows his heart and helps others do the same. Are you ready to explore it?