Don’t think that I look with contempt on people because their life is founded on serious and well-considered principles. But the result must be an action, not an abstract idea.
I think principles are good and worth the effort only when they develop into actions, and I think it’s good to reflect and to try to be goal driven, because that makes a person’s will to work more resolute and turns the various actions into a whole. People would get more steadiness if they went about what they do more rationally. But I much prefer the struggler, the emotional individual, the battler to people who make a great show of their principles without making the slightest effort to put them into practice or even giving a thought to how realistic their projected ideals and judgements on themselves or others are.
It's easy to judge yourself. And to use the finest of principles, sold to you at work or in weekend celebrations of philosophy ungrounded in reality. Sadly, the people who judge themselves and others most, if they ever get round to living with willpower and reflection, will do something great instead of waste their precious life energy, in self or other criticism. Great things don't happen through impulse alone, it is a succession of little things that are brought together and if we are perpetually projecting a false expectation on ourselves and others, we are no more than the devil incarnated, negativity kills more people than smoking cigarettes or taking drugs ever will. The home of this negativity is inside a human heart that has lost its way.
Those who prefer their principles, (the foundation of negativity) over their happiness remain unhappy, because such rigid personal dogmas act at the expense of actionable happiness, and are therefore a form of especially dehumanizing self-punishment.
What is true success? How does one get there without sabotaging everything important (family, health and quality of innerwealth)?
Personal success means working one’s way through an invisible iron wall that seems to stand between what one feels is appropriate as a goal (call this self worth) and what one can do, and does do on a daily basis.
How can one get through that wall?
Since hammering on it doesn’t help at all. In my view, one must undermine the wall and grind through it slowly and patiently. This means breaking through the bonds of so much unseen medicine that has been planted accidentally in our conscious and subconscious mind. Can I call this "worthiness" or "self worth" or is it really the continual domain of self-coaching.
How can one remain dedicated to grinding through that invisible wall alone when the demand for introspection requires that we allow ourselves (no choice here) to be lured from our goals or distracted, in order to grow? The quest for self awareness takes us in tangents exploring options and trying things out and therefore, unless one reflects and organises one’s life according to principles we will be forever at sea trying to find ourselves in an endless search. This is a warning shot across our bow. There must be structure and there must be unstructured. Learning needs opportunity, success needs goals.
And it’s the same with other things as it is with business or sport success. And greatness isn’t something accidental; it must be willed. Whether actions lead to principles in a person or principles lead to action is something that seems to me to be a state of flux, one feeds the other and there is never a resolution.
I believe it’s a positive thing and of great importance that one should try to develop one’s powers of thought and will on one hand, and grow into a state of confusion on the other. We must only question how much time is necessary in the state of confusion to gain the gift of it. For my association with nature, I can say that this state of confusion only lasts as long as it takes to gain the gift of it. Introspecting on a cushion, or worry, anxiety, talking it over with a spouse, getting opinions like gathering apples from a tree only serves to protract confusion and leave it in the background unresolved, hence many people head off in the direction of their goals, with a half hearted awareness that sits on a mound of uncertainty.
The sounding board has the duty to confront the lies, the deeper conditioning, the long held attachments to principles that may have served in a time of lesser greatness but no longer resolve the uncertainties one faces as the definition of possibilities grows, as the gaols dreams and ambitions of an individual expand throughout their lifetime until they stop growing, and we become the living dead, fixed on principle, hamstrung in action, resigned to the part of a beggar, bound by golden handcuffs, stuck in a purgatory between the past and the future, and wishing for an early demise.
Expect your coaching to be confrontational. Your principles are embedded in your cells and for most of us, they form our identity but our goals and dreams are not embedded, they are expanding, and to stay happy, our actions and our goals must be in step, a task that requires the shattering or at least constant grinding of that wall, made of principled, beliefs and ideals that might be chipped in stone in a time of fear of failure, but now, like all such walls must be turned to a new direction.
Support and challenge is the love of life and any coaching that is meaningful must blend both equally to be effective.