In this blog I want to share the following:
- How to become bullet proof to other people's emotional rubbish
- How to stay open to everything yet affected by nothing
- How to prioritise your day so your emotional residue doesn't kill you
- How to stay grounded when your natural constitution says "flip out."
Step 1. Take No Prisoners
The best place to get run over is in the middle of the road.
The hardest place to sit, is on the fence.
Compromise kills clarity.
Ideas are ideas, thoughts are thoughts, words are words: results are reality.
You may find this offensive but 99% of human struggle for happiness comes from compromise. That means it's self induced.
Say you have a team working for you. They have ideas, thoughts, emails, words and all that is full of emotion. What's real?
At home your partner says "I love you" and then proceeds to behave in contrast. What's real? Results are real.
If someone criticises you recognise their ignorance. Remember their ignorance, it doesn't change overnight. People don't change. People grow new layers over old layers - they don't change. They don't need to change, they're perfect. So, just accept people are who they are.
Avoid wanting things to change.
Instead of wanting them to change, accept them as they are and instead of compromising your results, choose to be with or without their company. It's a big world, nothing to be afraid of, nature abhors a vacuum so, instead of compromise, witness, accept then choose to be there or not.
Step 2. Separate Love and Like
I love my ex wife, but I don't like her.
Does it mean I have unfinished business with her? Absolutely not. She's perfect as she is, benefits and drawbacks to everything. I just wouldn't want to live in that space.
Most emotional weakness comes because people are incomplete, they have unfinished business with an ex.
Make sure you love people in your past (means you are beyond judgement, resentment, dislike, anger, or wanting them to change) - that's love. It doesn't mean you have to go to bed with them.
Love is not exclusive. Really if you block love to one thing, you block it to everything. If you can't love a cockroach, you can't love your partner (no link intended here).
Block love to one person, blocked love to everyone. Given everyone has every trait, this is pretty obvious really.
The question about who you love and who you like comes down to something called "Intent"
If you meet a sexy person then you can love and like them. But if their intent is to break up your life, marriage or bank account, you can keep the love and dump the like.
Step 3. Emotional Resilience
What do Zen, Yoga, Sport, Business and Relationships have in common?
Emotional Resilience is the answer.
What do art, romance, sexiness, design, self help, new age, creativity have in common?
Emotional Not Resilience is the answer.
If you live without feeling emotion you may as well be a terracotta statue of yourself - it'll last for thousands of years but life would be just so dull.
If you live with feeling and emotion you may as well give all your money to your ex partner, send the kids to therapy, and buy yourself a ticket to Byron Bay where all the other fruit cakes end up basking in the sun and drinking wheat-grass for entertainment.
So, what's the option? How do you live a spirited, joyful, successful and sensitive life that has emotion and not emotion.....?
It took me 35 years finding and then stepping on teachers to find out.
First, emotions are essential because that's how you get to know yourself. You are the sum total of what you feel.
Second, people don't know you at all from your emotions, they only think they do.
Third, people do what you want because you inspire an emotion in them... and the emotion in them that you inspire is the emotion in you that you feel.
Say I'm happy and go to a party. I stand in the corner and just be happy. There's a 100/1 probability that I'm going to meet someone who is happy and looking for someone happy.
Now, I go to another party. I stand in the corner and feel sad. There's a 100/1 probability that I'm going to meet an unhappy person who is going to be faking being happy in order to cheer me up.
So, this emotional resilience doesn't come from the lack of emotion, it comes from the mastery over them. Can you choose how you feel? Of course.
Simply evaluate anything, find the balance, focus on the positive or negative in order to trigger the appropriate emotion.
Step 4. Prioritise your day so your emotional residue doesn't kill you
Although there are ways to cause us to turn up at work and home, many of those tricks don't flush yesterday's emotional residue down the toilet. Instead most tricks for personal presence put yesterday behind us, along with the dust and dirt we accumulate.
Tricks with emotional process are called illness, disease, exhaustion, burn out and it's why holidays exist.
I think everyday is a holy day, so it's wiser to flush yesterday's rubbish rather than store it accidentally.
To flush yesterdays stuff, best to do it yesterday. Like concrete, yesterday's stuff can become hard and need a jack hammer if left overnight.
First define finished.
Finished a day's work means, today is complete. And tomorrow will come soon enough
Complete does not mean the lack of unfinished business
Instead it means, emotionally balanced.
There's no mind space in the conscious world being occupied by something done today or to be done tomorrow.
Achieve this with process. A Four Column Cleansing. A colonic for the brain.
The first time I summited a trekking peak in Nepal Himalayas, I got such a shock. I'd carried my emotional baggage to the summit. It blew me away to think that after six months of preparation, professional guidance and more, the core objective of reaching the summit failed. I was still the same me on top of that hill as I was at the bottom. Like Santa, I'd carried my sack of gifts up with me.
Process your work baggage before you come home, not after.
Step 5. Stay grounded when your natural constitution says "flip out."
Ok, I admit, sometimes I feel angry and frustrated. But I'm a fire constitution and I know that excess fire is anger and frustration. It usually means I ate too many chilli's, too much wine or overdid the Tabasco sauce. It's no big drama. I just eat cucumber or watermelon to cool down and get back into balance.
As Einstein Said "Sometimes a Cigar is just a Cigar"
So, sometimes our "lunatic" moments are just "lunatic moments" and not cause for 10 years psychotherapy or devotion to a new guru. Those guys have as many if not more problems than their clients. Be careful.
Come to balance everyday in the morning and evening.
Create a permanent ritual and no matter who or what is sleeping in your bed, get up and do the ritual.
Ground yourself each day by being thankful for what is, rather than what could be.
Hope this helps your emotional resilience....
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